People with tiny dogs

Yeah, you with the doggy purse, this post goes out to you, especially those of you heterosexual beings who claim to possess 'gentleman parts'. What the heck are you airheads thinking?! Or are all of the remaining straight guys in America sacrificing their nether-regions on the altars of self-less love? Get off it already, you whipped loser, and sprout a pair! Then, trade your chihuahua in for a pit bull.

Some commonly known excuses for buying a midget dog:

"They're easier to wash! You can just wash them in the sink!" You know that after you've owned that little fluffed out tampon for more than 6 months, you won't be washing it anymore, not to mention that washing it in your sink is disgusting. Would you put a used tampon in your sink? I didn't think so.

"You can take them anywhere with you!" The large majority of humans that you're acquainted with are cringing at this, because they all HATE your stupid, stinky yorky. Practice some human decency: pity us all and leave that rat at home.

"They're just so cute!" Yeah, maybe. They might just be cute after the yapping, and the napoleon complexes, and the pooping indoors, and the neediness...

"It's like owning a cat that wants to play fetch!" Anything that can be compared to a cat shouldn't be given any warmth or human affection, shouldn't be allowed to breathe in the vicinity of your children, shouldn't be allowed to LIVE.

Now, as you draw your flea-infested fuzzy cotton balls to your chest and blink back tears of rage, take a moment to think of how everyone around you feels. Then, take a deep breath, acknowledge that we (who love REAL dogs) are right and that you are wrong, and begin proceedings on adopting a normal-sized dog and sending your rat to a testing lab where it really belongs.

Welcome home, fellow fault finders!

Do people often remark on how negative you are? Are you lectured about "looking on the bright side"? Does that really annoy you?

Well, here' one place where you're encouraged to be negative. This island of tranquility floats on the bitter seas of everything that bugs you, from those horrid, perpetually happy folks to those trendy, depressed people;from men that walk tiny dogs to midget women that drive Denalis; from people that try to force-feed you organic celery to people who have memorized the entire value menu. Yeah, you get it.

If it pisses you off, or just makes you raise your eyebrows, there's a good chance that you will find it here.

If you're offended by this kind of thing, well then, newsflash, DON'T READ MY SODDING BLOG. Everyone else, welcome to the comfort zone.